This was the first dream worth recording that I had in a while. I blame school and my lack of sleep. Anyway, let's get started!
So, I was on an adventure with an old shapeshifting human and his apprentice (who was apparently a real prodigy even though he did jack shit to help us in the adventure, I always had to do all the work). Clover was there too, and I vaguely remember a fourth member of our party who was a male enchantress (now that I type this I realize it's just "enchanter" but fuck that) and he wore some shiny scaly clothes that were red and green. However, I don't remember him participating at all so I'm not sure if he was ever there.
Anyway, the first bit of trouble we got into was with a policewoman or just some person who was after the shapeshifter and his apprentice. They went and hid themselves in the bathroom of the girls locker room at an abandoned or currently unused middle school gym. I have no idea why they chose that particular location. It may be because I've never been in a boy's locker room so when I see a locker room I just assume it's for girls?
Oh whale.
The shapeshifter and his apprentice were almost discovered, but I saved the day by planting a fake cell phone in a different location and calling it, causing it to ring, which distracted the policewoman and allowed us to escape. They didn't even thank me. Humans, right? Even magical ones need to learn some manners.
The second bit of trouble was a bush. The one mentioned in the title. It was some sort of magical bush with spikes. We encountered this bush with small elliptical leaves growing right in the middle of an alley. It was so wide that it blocked the entire road. It was also tall enough to prevent any normal person from jumping over it. The young magician found a way to squeeze by the bush from the side. Clover just went "fuck it" and left. The older magician and I decided to crawl underneath, which was a terrible idea. For whatever reason, crawling under the bush causes it to grow thicker and bigger, elongating to trap us underneath. The older magician went before me, so he managed to get out alright. I was almost completely stuck, but no one helped me. I'm still salty about that.
The third and final challenge that I remember involved an AI. The team made it to the end of what looked like a bridge that was never finished, so there was a gap between the bridge and the other side. There was a rocket launcher on a platform next to our side of the bridge, and a computer that launches the rockets and announces the angle and force of the launch, so we can do some impromptu physics calculations and get out of the way before we get blown up. I thought that system was complete bullshit, and I made that opinion known to the computer. She didn't say anything back, but instead, launched the first bomb, which didn't land on the bridge. I assumed it was to help us practice the calculations before actually blowing us up. The second bomb came much closer. I got out of the way just in time. I tried to fly over the gap, but an invisible force dragged me back down to the ground (and I'm not talking about gravity! I could feel a tug on my waist as I was pulled down). The third bomb landed not far from the second. At this point I was getting really pissed. I could see that the computer was targeting me, and of course none of the other party members gave a shit. I somehow knew through dream logic that the computer is programmed to obey any requests to change the way she announced the angle and force. I also somehow knew of this one specific way of announcing those factors that would prevent the computer from actually firing the rockets. I don't know how. Maybe it causes a glitch in the program. I don't know. Dreams are weird.
With this newfound knowledge, I approached the computer and, using my sweetest voice, said, "Hey, hey, so... my friend and I—" here I put my arm around the young magician's shoulder, "—we're... geologists!" (I don't know why I chose geology) "And we'd really appreciate it if you would announce the bomb with P—'s formula."
Now, P— is supposed to be the scientist the formula is name after, and the name of the young magician. I'm trying to remember what it was but only Pascal is coming to mind, and I don't think that's correct.
Forced to obey, the computer was not able to launch any more bombs and we flew across the gap while she yelled death threats at us.
"I will kill you! In one year, I will kill you!"
It was obvious that the threats were directed to me, but I ignore her and we all got away safely. That was all I remembered of this dream, but I sure hope the other magicians go fuck themselves because they are fucking pieces of uncooked asparagus. I pulled all the weight in this adventure and no one helped me at all. I still haven't forgiven them.
~Jay
